Why we need feminism

In celebration of Women's Equality Day in the good ol' USA, I figured it was high time to discuss feminism, and why I (and all women) still need it in 2013.

First off: some common misconceptions that generally surround the term "feminist."
- Living on the fringe of society
- Man haters
- Lesbians (While clearly some members of the LBGTQ community are feminists, it would be a huge fallacy to say that all feminists are lesbians.  I understand that this has caused some confusion in my family regarding my sexuality, so I figured it was time to clear this up.)
- An anti-family political movement that encourages men to leave their husbands.*
- Bearded women with zero sense of personal hygiene or "femininity:
- Virgin prudes who turn to feminism as an excuse for not sleeping with men.

While these clearly aren't all the stereotypes that are associated with feminists, they tend to be the ones that I hear the most.

Both myself and a number of my good friends identify as very strong feminists, but do not fit these stereotypes at all.  First off, we go to what is possibly the most white-washed, WASPy university in all of Canada, and have some of the most incredibly "typical" life plans that you could imagine (go to grad school and/or get a job, make babies, and live out our mundane lives in the hell that is Canadian suburbia.)  Secondly, we certainly don't hate men; 5 minutes listening in on our conversations, and you'll probably hear some sort of worship of a beautiful man happen a minimum of 3 times (I may or may not have a mini shrine to Ryan Gosling and Dr. Avery in my bedroom).  Thirdly, we are all very "clean cut," "feminine" girls.  One of my best friends loves pink a little more than is natural, and most of us wear a full face of makeup every day.  We shower regularly, and are constantly recommending different beauty products to each other.

None of these facts about us conflict our feminist identity; in fact, I think they enforce it.  We are only able to do these things because of feminism.  Sixty years ago, most of us wouldn't have even had the chance to attend a university, and if we had, we would have been discriminated against and mocked by our male peers. We certainly would not have had the chance to be high achieving students at one of the highest-ranked schools in our country, and the possibility of attending grad school and aiming for a well-respected, well-payed job would have been out of the question.  We also would have likely been ostracized for openly discussing our sexual preferences and attractions to different men in public (i.e. where we now say "the things I would do to him," in the past would have been "well, he's a rather becoming gentleman I suppose."  Not quite the same effect.)  Building a Ryan Gosling shrine would have been out of the question, as it would have been offensive to our boyfriends/husbands to openly admire other men.  As for the makeup: we have been lucky to grow up in a time where we have the freedom to experiment with our beauty choices. If I wake up tomorrow and feel like wearing turquoise eyeliner, then I will do it; not because I think it will help attract a man, but instead because it's a personal expression of my ownership over my own face and body.

We are only able to do these things because of feminists and their efforts towards women's liberation.  But if we now have all of these freedoms, why do we still need feminism?

Two words: Miley Cyrus.

I didn't bother myself with the VMA's, but woke up this morning to see twitter/facebook/all social media and news outlets firing up over Miley's performance.  People calling her a slut, claiming that Hannah Montana is dead, and that she has no self respect.  Blogger Kevin Hart wrote that she had "better get a pregnancy test after all that twerkin'."  Her performance has been described as racy, raunchy, offensive, nasty, etc.

After checking it out for myself, my reaction was pretty different.  My first thought was "wow, good for her.  I'd never, ever, even in a million years have enough confidence in my body to run around basically naked for the whole world to see."  My second thought was questioning whether she was drunk, because that's the only time I stick my tongue out that frequently.  Sure, I wouldn't want my 11 year old sister to watch that performance and get any ideas, there was nothing intrinsically "wrong" with it from my point of view.**  Yes, her dance was sexual.  But it was her choice to do it, just as it was her choice to wear a racy outfit, and her choice to stick her tongue out like a panting dog.  Maybe she isn't educated enough in feminist theory to know what the implications of singing "Blurred Lines" are, but that isn't what she's been receiving criticism for.  She is being criticized for acting "like a slut."

Now, why is it that Miley has received so much public criticism for owning her sexuality on stage, yet criticism of Robin Thicke's open endorsement of rape culture through his lyrics has been widely celebrated?  Why is it okay for a man to sing about a woman "wanting" to sleep with him, yet the moment a woman acts as if she has some sort of sexual tendencies, it becomes unacceptable?

According to numerous dictionaries, a slut is "a slovenly or promiscuous woman."  A whore is "a promiscuous woman." A tart is "a prostitute or promiscuous woman."  On searching for promiscuous, the definition was "having many sexual relationships," yet almost every example given used female pronouns (i.e. she's a wild, promiscuous girl).  Where is the derogatory term about promiscuous men?  Moreover, why is promiscuity such a negative thing for a woman?

This is why we still need feminism.  Because men are allowed to speak openly about their sexuality and endorse rape culture, but women are still slut-shamed if they try to own their bodies and publicly express their physicality.  In my opinion, being a slut isn't a bad thing at all.  It simply means that a person is willing to experiment and have a wide variety of sexual experiences in order to find out what they like.  Most importantly, they are in control of their bodies, and are making the decision themselves to sleep with "X" number of people.  One should be able to make the choice to be a slut or not to be a slut without having to fear persecution.  It should not be a term only associated with women, but should be equally as applicable to men.

Women should be entitled to the same ownership of their sexuality that men have.  That means ending rape-culture and slut shaming.  Unfortunately, there are so many negative connotations flying around that most women refuse to identify as feminists.  Ultimately, feminism is about women's liberation and equality.  While leaps and bounds have been made in many of spheres, I think it's safe to say that when it comes to intimate relations, we still have miles to go.  That's why I still need feminism.

*Quote from Pat Robertson, a former Baptist minister during his GOP convention speech in 1992.
**Barring, of course, Miley's use of racial appropriation to sell a song.  Yes, I get this, but also do think that it's cultural elitism to claim that only african-americans are allowed to twerk.  If Miley wants to twerk, she can twerk.  However, she shouldn't just use her (only black) backup dancers as props the way she does, but that's a whole other can of worms, and, having grown up surrounded in white privilege, I don't really have the right to comment on this. 

On being approached.

Nothing ruins a good day quite like receiving unsolicited attention from a man. Nothing.

Today, for example.  I was quieting strolling to the grocery store, enjoying the nice 25 degree sunshine and the atmosphere of a small Swedish university town.  Soaking up the sun, I (rather stupidly) closed my eyes a tiny bit and continued walking down the street; when I opened them, I just avoided walking into a small child on a tricycle.  Apologizing to the boy and his mother I continued on my way (eyes open this time), only to have a guy walk up beside me and comment on my clumsiness.  I laughed a little and said I'd pay better attention to my direction from now on, and then wished him a nice day.  He continued to follow me and asked about my accent and whether I am in Sweden to study fashion (of all the things). The conversation went back and forth, with me continually saying goodbye and walking away, and him continuing to follow me.  Finally, I escaped when we passed a Cafe and I said "Oh, this is where I'm meeting my boyfriend."  He immediately backed down.

This has happened to both me and my friends many times over the years.  Men who honk their horns at us while going for a run, or who yell out their car window while walking down the street.  On Canada Day last year I remember walking down the street with my friend, both of us wearing Spain jerseys (World Cup Final), only to have a man sitting on a doorstep comment on us looking "hot."  When we didn't respond, he yelled after us that is was "so rude not to say thank you," and didn't we know our manners?

It seems that no matter where a woman goes in the world, what she is wearing, or what she is doing, she will get this kind of attention.  It isn't flattering, enjoyable, or satisfying at all.  I always leave these encounters degraded, angry, and scared.

Take today's conversation.  I didn't ask for any attention from this guy, or receive any of his compliments with welcome.  I was pretty blunt about the fact that I wanted to be left alone, yet he continued to follow me.  The only point at which he left me alone was when I indicated that I was already "taken" by someone else.  This is extremely degrading because it reflects traditional gender roles wherein a woman cannot achieve self-actualization or happiness unless she is with a man.  Furthermore, this kind of situation angers me because I can't believe that these sorts of attitudes still exist.  Do men really still think that it's acceptable to treat a woman as a sex object whose duty is to please them?  I don't want to hear that I'm a "cute little thing" or that my "shirt is really nice."  These compliments are not in any way flattering.  Their honestly just insulting, as they are clearly shallow attempts at charming me into your pants. 

But most importantly, I leave these situations very scared.  Scared because I feel powerless.  Because I didn't even try to get myself into this place, so how am I supposed to find a way out?  Because I know that if he really wanted to, this man could outrun me, overpower me, and probably hurt me. 

I'm not saying that every man you will meet in public is evil, or that every conversation on the street has to leave such a sour taste in your mouth.  But for every positive encounter I've ever had, I have a negative one to match up.  It doesn't take just a nasty conversation to scare you though; a wolf-whistle, honk, or yell is just as frightening and even more degrading.  No matter how it's done, there's nothing pleasant about being objectified.

I know there are hundreds of articles written on this topic, but none of them seem to make a difference.  Is it because these men aren't reading them, or because they choose to ignore what is written?  Either way, this treatment needs to stop.  I want to be able to leave the house without first having to check that my outfit isn't "too provoking," or that it won't get dark before I leave for home.  I don't want to have to change my walking route every day, just to make sure I'm not followed.  Most importantly, I'd like to walk down the street in peace, knowing that I can enjoy the sunshine without receiving any unsolicited attention.

Don't Judge a Book by its Cover

Recently, I visited the island of  Fårö, just off Gotland.  It's a relatively small and dull island known for being the home of Swedish director Ingmar Bergman, but it was quite pretty and made for a fun day trip.  

However, I overslept and missed breakfast, so had to set out without any noms in my body.  Anyone who knows me well knows that this is a formula for disaster, because I turn into possibly the worst version of myself when I don't have breakfast: glaring at everyone, "making a point" by being obscenely silent, and making the snarkiest remarks at the most ridiculous things.  Needless to say, this is a situation that is best to avoid, because absolutely nothing will snap me out of it other than some kind of breakfast food (and yes, it has to be a breakfast food; nothing else will suffice).  

Once it was identified that my problem was that I'd missed breakfast, and not that I was menstruating,** we decided that we'd pull over at the first food place we saw.  The lack of Tim Hortons on Fårö definitely made this a challenge, as it's a tiny island with very few eating establishments.  The "first place we saw" ended up being a tiny sign by the side of the road that said "Cafe," and when we pulled over we found ourselves in a very empty gravel parking lot, with a small, very sketchy path on the side.

Definitely was a little skeptical walking through here!

It only got worse, as we then found ourselves in a total junkyard, wondering what on earth we were doing here.  However, the nom situation was fairly desperate, so our only choice was to carry forward.

Inside, the decor was nothing to rave about, but it definitely appeared clean, so we figured food consumption was safe.  I'm certainly glad we took that chance, because it turned out to be delicious!

The whole place was filled with American paraphernalia!

I didn't want to take any risks, and was looking for something semi-breakfasty, so I stuck with a regular crepe with chocolate sauce on it.  It was absolutely fantastic and I didn't regret my decision one bit.

Started digging in before photographing- whoops!

I didn't manage to get a picture of everyone's food, as the moment it got to the table we all started devouring, but this particular creation looked incredible.  It was a crepe made with buckwheat flour and salt instead of sugar (called a galette), and was definitely more a lunch item than breakfast.  However, the combination of goats cheese, walnuts, raisins, spinach, and emental cheese?  YUM.

Of course I snagged a bite for myself!

While we were dining, the two owners came out and they were hilarious; they literally looked like caricatures of a French and an American man.  One was wearing a striped shirt, had a mustache, spoke with a strong French accent, and had incredibly loose body language (of course, he was smoking too).  I really couldn't figure out if it was an act or not.  The other was definitely a deep-woods American; he spoke Swedish with a ridiculously strong accent, was wearing a denim Harley Davidson vest, and seemed to be the man who had designed the whole place.


All in all, it was a great meal, and I have to say that I've learned my lesson: good food often comes in the most unexpected places!

**If a woman is in a bad mood, possibly the worst thing you can do (especially if you are a man) is accuse her of PMSing or being on her period.  It doesn't matter if that actually is the reason for the bad mood, just don't do it.  I will tear your head off.

Two weeks in!

Holla amigos!

A disclaimer before I begin: I'm a terrible photographer.  I haven't ever developed an "eye" for the correct lighting/framing to use, and quite frankly don't have the patience to try.  However, what I lack in skills, I make up for in enthusiasm!  My approach to photography is quantity>quality, so at least you can be sure that there is likely a photo illustration to everything I have to say.

A day in the life.
Every single email/message from you guys which I haven't responded to (sorry! I know I'm a terrible friend/communicator) has asked about where I live and work, so here's a summary:
I'm currently staying in a condo in the "suburbs" of Stockholm.  I use this term loosely, as it's a relatively small city.  With a population of just a little over 1 million, 2 million for the whole metropolitan area, the capital of Sweden is about one-third of the size of Toronto.  Needless to say, the suburbs here are small and a quick commute into the city center.

I'm lucky enough that the suburb I'm in is a tiny town on a lake.  This means swimming every morning before work!  Yes, it's freezing cold.  It's a struggle to get into the water every time, but I figure it's worth it as I lose any desire to crawl back under the covers after a quick dip in the ice water!  This location is also really great because there are some really good trails for running in the surrounding area, and it's very quiet at night.  It's also only a 3 minute walk to the train, which is a 10 minute ride into the city center.  Pretty ideal, I think!

Walking out of my bedroom to this isn't half bad.

On traveling alone.
While I have been here many times before and right now am a working girl in the city, so am therefore not "traveling" per se.  However, on the evenings/weekends I have been exploring Stockholm beyond my childhood knowledge of the place, so in that sense do consider myself a tourist!

Traveling alone can be fantastic.  You set your own schedule, see whichever sights you want to, and only have to worry about your own bladder cycle.  You can also make any last-minute changes of plans without any fuss, and whenever you're tired can head home.  However, there are some setbacks you need to be aware of:

1. Eating alone.  This is difficult to navigate.  If you go to a small cafe by yourself for lunch, and bring along a book/notepad, you will look cute and poetic.  In my opinion, this is also cheating.  Own the fact that you are alone, and take yourself out for dinner.  Don't bring along a book, newspaper, magazine, or notepad, and keep your phone tucked away.  Be prepared for everyone to think that you were stood up; keep your head held high when both waiters and patrons give you pitiful glances.  There is no shame in being by yourself!  Use this time wisely and people watch; that's what restaurants were really made for, isn't it?
   
   
   
   The only thing sadder than eating alone is photographing food alone.
   
   
   
2. Photographs by strangers. If you want a picture taken of you somewhere, asking someone random will be necessary.  Luckily, my camera is pretty beaten up, so I don't see anyone trying to steal for it.  If you own a nicer model be wary before handing it over, as it is likely that in a thick crowd it'll be easy for a thief to run away.  More importantly, be prepared for every photograph taken of you to be awful.  Strangers don't care how you look on film.  Heck, they don't even want to be taking this picture but probably just felt rude saying no (if you say the picture is for your grandmother, you won't ever be turned down). 
3. Staying on schedule.  This is tough when you're by yourself, especially for someone like me who is easily distracted by everything around her.  For example, this past Saturday I woke up with the goal of traveling to Waxholm (an island in the archipelago) for the day.  While walking to the train, I decided it was appropriate to walk into town instead as I wanted to measure how long it would take (2 hrs 15 mins, if you were wondering). When I got into Stockholm, I found myself in a crowd of royal wedding enthusiasts, and ultimately didn't make it out to Waxholm.  While I had a fun day, I am still disappointed that I didn't take advantage of the amazing weather and go out to the island.  Had a reasonable person been with me, they would have pointed out that google maps can easily provide a time estimate for walking into the city, and the day would have gone differently.  Lesson learned: some distractions aren't so worthwhile, so choose wisely!

 While there's much more to say, including actual information about what

I've seen and done, it will have to wait until another time!

A summer of travels!

Hello friends!

I've decided to blog about my summer in Sweden, as this seems much easier than trying to send individualized updates to everyone!

I began my summer by reading Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert while still at home, and for those of you who haven't read it/seen the movie, here's a quick plot summary:

1.  Middle-aged woman gets divorced and moves in with a crazy man (who she was probably cheating on her husband with).
2.  Middle-aged woman breaks up with unstable new boyfriend.  Decides the only way to recover is by traveling around the world for a year.
3.  Middle-aged woman moves to Italy for 4 months.  Gets really fat from eating too much pasta.
4.  Middle-aged woman moves to India for 4 months.  Gets skinny again because she "worked so hard" meditating and doing yoga.
5.  Middle-aged woman moves to Bali for 4 months.  Meets a Brazilian man who is equally as self-indulgent and obnoxious as her, and they fall in love.

This book is filled with a lot of self-reflection, -adoration, and -praise.  The author at one point brags about how she is able to make friends wherever she goes, as she is just so goddamn outgoing and likable.  However, I can assure you that she would not be my friend.  Though she claims to be quite independent, the recurring theme I caught throughout the who book was a needy character who sought self-actualization through approval from others.

 Needless, to say, this blog will in no way resemble the writings of Elizabeth Gilbert.  I simply plan on sharing some of the fun sights I see, the interesting facts I learn, and the fun festivities I get to attend while in Sweden!  Fear not: there won't be any self-indulgent soliloquies about how I've grown and changed as a person over the summer.  Nor will there be any paragraphs about how I deserved to eat that ice cream, because I've been though so much and worked so hard.  Let's be real, I eat more bagels in a day than a person ever should and don't exactly work very hard at the gym; I probably don't deserve any ice cream, but am going to eat it anyways.

Nevertheless, I will be back soon with some fun photos and facts about Stockholm! I hope everyone else's summer is going well!

Real Beauty Sketches

Amidst all the senseless terror, confusion, and hurt surrounding the Boston Marathon yesterday, it was extremely comforting to come home to see a beautiful video with a heartwarming message.  If you haven't seen it yet, be sure to check out the Dove Real Beauty Sketches here.

This video has a great premise.  Ask any woman to name 5 things she hates about her looks and she'd probably ask: "just 5?"  Ask her to name 5 things she loves,

and I bet she'll come short after 2.  

This is a problem.  In a culture where our self-worth is measured by

how beautiful we are, how sexy men perceive us to be, and how we compare to other women, if only 4% of women see themselves as beautiful,

then does that mean only 4% consider themselves to hold any value?

These Real Beauty Sketches are attempting to change that.  Dove seemingly wants us to understand that we have a skewed perception of ourselves;

we are actually much more beautiful than we perceive.
If we learn to develop a positive self-image,
then we will be infinitely more happy, carefree,

and valuable.

However, I struggle to stand behind this campaign.

These "Real Beauty Sketches" are only reinforcing an emphasis on

aesthetics and "beauty."  If the women in these videos can learn

to see themselves as pretty, then they will be happy.  How is this a positive message?

At one point in the campaign, Florence says that our perception of our beauty:

"impacts the choices that we make, it impacts the friends that we make, the jobs

we apply for, how we treat our children; it impacts everything.

 It couldn't be more critical to your happiness."

She then says that she has some work to do on herself (regarding self-image).

This message completely misconstrues the issue.

The problem here isn't that women have a negative self-image, but

that the norms and expectations in our culture perpetuate these

impossible stereotypes.  We are consistently being told that if

you aren't "pretty" enough, then you have no value.  This Dove campaign

is only further exacerbating the problem.
I would have liked to see a much different ending to this video. The woman should not be told that she is wrong for not perceiving herself as beautiful, but instead that society is wrong for placing emphasis on "beauty" in the first place.

Self-actualization and value shouldn't come from aesthetics; it should come from our accomplishments and the quality of our character.