On being approached.

Nothing ruins a good day quite like receiving unsolicited attention from a man. Nothing.

Today, for example.  I was quieting strolling to the grocery store, enjoying the nice 25 degree sunshine and the atmosphere of a small Swedish university town.  Soaking up the sun, I (rather stupidly) closed my eyes a tiny bit and continued walking down the street; when I opened them, I just avoided walking into a small child on a tricycle.  Apologizing to the boy and his mother I continued on my way (eyes open this time), only to have a guy walk up beside me and comment on my clumsiness.  I laughed a little and said I'd pay better attention to my direction from now on, and then wished him a nice day.  He continued to follow me and asked about my accent and whether I am in Sweden to study fashion (of all the things). The conversation went back and forth, with me continually saying goodbye and walking away, and him continuing to follow me.  Finally, I escaped when we passed a Cafe and I said "Oh, this is where I'm meeting my boyfriend."  He immediately backed down.

This has happened to both me and my friends many times over the years.  Men who honk their horns at us while going for a run, or who yell out their car window while walking down the street.  On Canada Day last year I remember walking down the street with my friend, both of us wearing Spain jerseys (World Cup Final), only to have a man sitting on a doorstep comment on us looking "hot."  When we didn't respond, he yelled after us that is was "so rude not to say thank you," and didn't we know our manners?

It seems that no matter where a woman goes in the world, what she is wearing, or what she is doing, she will get this kind of attention.  It isn't flattering, enjoyable, or satisfying at all.  I always leave these encounters degraded, angry, and scared.

Take today's conversation.  I didn't ask for any attention from this guy, or receive any of his compliments with welcome.  I was pretty blunt about the fact that I wanted to be left alone, yet he continued to follow me.  The only point at which he left me alone was when I indicated that I was already "taken" by someone else.  This is extremely degrading because it reflects traditional gender roles wherein a woman cannot achieve self-actualization or happiness unless she is with a man.  Furthermore, this kind of situation angers me because I can't believe that these sorts of attitudes still exist.  Do men really still think that it's acceptable to treat a woman as a sex object whose duty is to please them?  I don't want to hear that I'm a "cute little thing" or that my "shirt is really nice."  These compliments are not in any way flattering.  Their honestly just insulting, as they are clearly shallow attempts at charming me into your pants. 

But most importantly, I leave these situations very scared.  Scared because I feel powerless.  Because I didn't even try to get myself into this place, so how am I supposed to find a way out?  Because I know that if he really wanted to, this man could outrun me, overpower me, and probably hurt me. 

I'm not saying that every man you will meet in public is evil, or that every conversation on the street has to leave such a sour taste in your mouth.  But for every positive encounter I've ever had, I have a negative one to match up.  It doesn't take just a nasty conversation to scare you though; a wolf-whistle, honk, or yell is just as frightening and even more degrading.  No matter how it's done, there's nothing pleasant about being objectified.

I know there are hundreds of articles written on this topic, but none of them seem to make a difference.  Is it because these men aren't reading them, or because they choose to ignore what is written?  Either way, this treatment needs to stop.  I want to be able to leave the house without first having to check that my outfit isn't "too provoking," or that it won't get dark before I leave for home.  I don't want to have to change my walking route every day, just to make sure I'm not followed.  Most importantly, I'd like to walk down the street in peace, knowing that I can enjoy the sunshine without receiving any unsolicited attention.

Don't Judge a Book by its Cover

Recently, I visited the island of  Fårö, just off Gotland.  It's a relatively small and dull island known for being the home of Swedish director Ingmar Bergman, but it was quite pretty and made for a fun day trip.  

However, I overslept and missed breakfast, so had to set out without any noms in my body.  Anyone who knows me well knows that this is a formula for disaster, because I turn into possibly the worst version of myself when I don't have breakfast: glaring at everyone, "making a point" by being obscenely silent, and making the snarkiest remarks at the most ridiculous things.  Needless to say, this is a situation that is best to avoid, because absolutely nothing will snap me out of it other than some kind of breakfast food (and yes, it has to be a breakfast food; nothing else will suffice).  

Once it was identified that my problem was that I'd missed breakfast, and not that I was menstruating,** we decided that we'd pull over at the first food place we saw.  The lack of Tim Hortons on Fårö definitely made this a challenge, as it's a tiny island with very few eating establishments.  The "first place we saw" ended up being a tiny sign by the side of the road that said "Cafe," and when we pulled over we found ourselves in a very empty gravel parking lot, with a small, very sketchy path on the side.

Definitely was a little skeptical walking through here!

It only got worse, as we then found ourselves in a total junkyard, wondering what on earth we were doing here.  However, the nom situation was fairly desperate, so our only choice was to carry forward.

Inside, the decor was nothing to rave about, but it definitely appeared clean, so we figured food consumption was safe.  I'm certainly glad we took that chance, because it turned out to be delicious!

The whole place was filled with American paraphernalia!

I didn't want to take any risks, and was looking for something semi-breakfasty, so I stuck with a regular crepe with chocolate sauce on it.  It was absolutely fantastic and I didn't regret my decision one bit.

Started digging in before photographing- whoops!

I didn't manage to get a picture of everyone's food, as the moment it got to the table we all started devouring, but this particular creation looked incredible.  It was a crepe made with buckwheat flour and salt instead of sugar (called a galette), and was definitely more a lunch item than breakfast.  However, the combination of goats cheese, walnuts, raisins, spinach, and emental cheese?  YUM.

Of course I snagged a bite for myself!

While we were dining, the two owners came out and they were hilarious; they literally looked like caricatures of a French and an American man.  One was wearing a striped shirt, had a mustache, spoke with a strong French accent, and had incredibly loose body language (of course, he was smoking too).  I really couldn't figure out if it was an act or not.  The other was definitely a deep-woods American; he spoke Swedish with a ridiculously strong accent, was wearing a denim Harley Davidson vest, and seemed to be the man who had designed the whole place.


All in all, it was a great meal, and I have to say that I've learned my lesson: good food often comes in the most unexpected places!

**If a woman is in a bad mood, possibly the worst thing you can do (especially if you are a man) is accuse her of PMSing or being on her period.  It doesn't matter if that actually is the reason for the bad mood, just don't do it.  I will tear your head off.