Nothing ruins a good day quite like receiving unsolicited attention from a man. Nothing.
Today, for example. I was quieting strolling to the grocery store, enjoying the nice 25 degree sunshine and the atmosphere of a small Swedish university town. Soaking up the sun, I (rather stupidly) closed my eyes a tiny bit and continued walking down the street; when I opened them, I just avoided walking into a small child on a tricycle. Apologizing to the boy and his mother I continued on my way (eyes open this time), only to have a guy walk up beside me and comment on my clumsiness. I laughed a little and said I'd pay better attention to my direction from now on, and then wished him a nice day. He continued to follow me and asked about my accent and whether I am in Sweden to study fashion (of all the things). The conversation went back and forth, with me continually saying goodbye and walking away, and him continuing to follow me. Finally, I escaped when we passed a Cafe and I said "Oh, this is where I'm meeting my boyfriend." He immediately backed down.
This has happened to both me and my friends many times over the years. Men who honk their horns at us while going for a run, or who yell out their car window while walking down the street. On Canada Day last year I remember walking down the street with my friend, both of us wearing Spain jerseys (World Cup Final), only to have a man sitting on a doorstep comment on us looking "hot." When we didn't respond, he yelled after us that is was "so rude not to say thank you," and didn't we know our manners?
It seems that no matter where a woman goes in the world, what she is wearing, or what she is doing, she will get this kind of attention. It isn't flattering, enjoyable, or satisfying at all. I always leave these encounters degraded, angry, and scared.
Take today's conversation. I didn't ask for any attention from this guy, or receive any of his compliments with welcome. I was pretty blunt about the fact that I wanted to be left alone, yet he continued to follow me. The only point at which he left me alone was when I indicated that I was already "taken" by someone else. This is extremely degrading because it reflects traditional gender roles wherein a woman cannot achieve self-actualization or happiness unless she is with a man. Furthermore, this kind of situation angers me because I can't believe that these sorts of attitudes still exist. Do men really still think that it's acceptable to treat a woman as a sex object whose duty is to please them? I don't want to hear that I'm a "cute little thing" or that my "shirt is really nice." These compliments are not in any way flattering. Their honestly just insulting, as they are clearly shallow attempts at charming me into your pants.
But most importantly, I leave these situations very scared. Scared because I feel powerless. Because I didn't even try to get myself into this place, so how am I supposed to find a way out? Because I know that if he really wanted to, this man could outrun me, overpower me, and probably hurt me.
I'm not saying that every man you will meet in public is evil, or that every conversation on the street has to leave such a sour taste in your mouth. But for every positive encounter I've ever had, I have a negative one to match up. It doesn't take just a nasty conversation to scare you though; a wolf-whistle, honk, or yell is just as frightening and even more degrading. No matter how it's done, there's nothing pleasant about being objectified.
I know there are hundreds of articles written on this topic, but none of them seem to make a difference. Is it because these men aren't reading them, or because they choose to ignore what is written? Either way, this treatment needs to stop. I want to be able to leave the house without first having to check that my outfit isn't "too provoking," or that it won't get dark before I leave for home. I don't want to have to change my walking route every day, just to make sure I'm not followed. Most importantly, I'd like to walk down the street in peace, knowing that I can enjoy the sunshine without receiving any unsolicited attention.
It is also worth noting that men typically enjoy the thrill of the chase more than having the prize itself. Once the chase is over (they get the prize, or the prize is no longer available, i.e. "I'm meeting my boyfriend") then they often lose interest.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, there aren't many women out there who would give in to a man without a chase. Our very nature has encouraged persistency in men and enhanced their competitiveness with each other. This ultimately allows us to be more selective about our suitors.
The best thing a woman can do in those situations is to be blunt and honest. We have it ingrained in our heads that to stick up for ourselves is to risk being labelled a bitch. There is nothing wrong with turning to that man and simply saying "I am not intersted in continuing this conversation. Please leave."
I long for the day that women can walk naked in the streets and her only fear is of getting a sunburn.
I definitely agree, but will say that sometimes the honest approach doesn't work. It almost becomes more of a challenge/game to the man to see the woman not interested, and he makes it his mission to change her mind.
DeleteI too long for that day, but unfortunately can't see it happening any time soon. Cultural norms of a dominant male/submissive female seem to be far too prevalent and accepted for any change to happen.